Review of Alternative Reality News Service: Luna for the Lunies.

Alternate Reality News Service, Luna for the Lunies by Ira Nayman

The third in the Alternate Reality News Service books, and in which this reviewer’s LOL muscles were exercised in at least 11 dimensions and two universes.

Published by CreateSpace, 2012   274 pages

ISBN: 978-1470053734 for paperback

http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/126271 for ebook of various formats.

Reviewed by Geoff Nelder

ARNS: Luna for the Lunies by Ira Nayman

In the spirit of alternate reality I am starting near the end. Bear in mind that this isn’t just a humorous book, it is absolutely hilarious in its own bizarro fashion. Each chapter is an alternate something. You might expect eco textbooks to have chapter headings as in this book such as Alternate Technology and Alternate Politics, but not an Alternate Glossary. How many other books have a glossary boasting that the words are NOT those you’d find in the book! Hilarious. One item to tickle your alternate eye might be – Parallelogramme (noun): a telegram from a parallel universe.

 

Between the ten chapters is a longer story – The Reality Threshold – which teases readers with insights into the manic workings of the Alternate Reality News Service office and its staff. I like this because one of the few problems with short story / article collections is the lack of a main character with whom the reader can connect. With this interwoven story we get to know Brenda Brundtland-Govanni, her six feet six height and pink sundress, and engage with her desires.

 

As fans of the earlier ARNS books would expect there are zany inventions and what-ifs that strangely are just an extension to the logic and practice of what happens already. So many times, I read something Nayman invents and think – so obvious, why hasn’t it already been done? Why haven’t I thought of it first? A few examples: a computer program that enacted via search engines trawls the world to erase everything about the target individual. Innocuous? Not in the hands of Ira Nayman – the holes in the internet grow… Then there are the alternate gadgets: the Teen Annoyance Reduction; Aural Confusinator; fridges that send messages not only to the authorities re: the unhealthy contents, but to fridges in other cities, for a natter.

 

As a climate aficionado and lover of stochastic phenomena, I am particularly fond of the international havoc caused by the discovery and attempts to capture in China (and sell) the individual butterfly whose effect will create a hurricane in the US.

 

There are many more incidents and phenomena in this book that challenge conventions, crease that smile and raise an eyebrow, but there is an academic piece that intrigued me. Theories on humour have interested me for years, as it has for philosophers, psychologists and comedians. Are all jokes based on someone’s misfortune as Bob Monkhouse claimed? So, my eyes pricked up when I read a reference to Aristotle, as I knew he had written on Comedy in his Poetics tomes. Did Ira Nayman elaborate on incongruity theory of comedy, superiority, or relief theories? Nearly. An intelligent argument explores why jokes lose their humour with time. He comes up with a formula: the half-life of a joke is proportionate to its relationship to popular culture. His exemplar is to quote a 2,300-year-old joke he found in one of Aristotle’s lost books on comedy. It isn’t funny anymore. Why? His ruminations take us into the latest science. No less than the Large Hadron Collider, which on smashing sub-atomic particles reveals an emission discovered to be humour. It degrades via black holes to another dimension. Hence some old jokes are no longer funny because their humour is rib-tickling people in another dimension, or a parallel universe. Makes sense to me. Or as Nayman has it, the universe has the last laugh. Just maybe not this universe.

 

There’s far more than I can mention in this review, such as when apostrophes go’’’’’’ berserk; and fly-through fast food outlets for witches leave pedestrians running for cover from litter falling at terminal velocity.

 

As always, Ira Nayman, crosses my reality threshold at 90 mph and leaves me laughing, thoughtful, inspired and enriched even if no wiser. I strongly recommend his Alternate Reality News Service to readers in all dimensions and universes.

 

They Had Goat Heads

They Had Goat Heads by D. Harlan Wilson

A collection of short stories published in 2010 by Atlatl Press

Poetic prose in a hallucinogenic kind of way.

Paperback

ISBN 978-0-9826281-2-6

Reviewed by Geoff Nelder

Some anthologies are soothing tales, quaint, charming and help you pass the time waiting in an airport, or to assist your head to drift off to the land of nod at bedtime. This book is NOTHING LIKE THAT! Each story is a unique coruscating mind adventure. It’s not possible to take it all in and be embroiled in each intrigue in one go. While bizarro stories seem to be meaningless and an injection of lateral-thinking hilarity, there’s more to them than that. When you hammer a banana, and a bee buzzes a window cleaner outside the plane on a clockwork bowl of custard… well, your head is either messed up, or it begins to think in a different way, loosening the cobwebs in there.

Listen to the beginning of ‘Beneath a Pink Sun’:

“Conflict is an illusion without which apes and begonias would shrivel in the wind. The grill, however, is covered with steaks. Tenderloins. They sizzle in the back yard beneath a pink sun. Somebody turns on a bugzapper. Music of tiny deaths…”

Laugh at a line in Chimpanzee where ‘I’ is in a bad situation, calls 911 and finds the operator “sounds attractive”. Unfortunately, ‘I’ is badly mistreated by the arriving police – beaten, pistol-whipped, kicked and thrown into a cell. All outrageous and illegal. He’s allowed the proverbial single phone call, so calls 911. Brilliant.

In many ways the tales have a message, however deeply buried then working upwards into your subconscious. They’re apparent nonsense maybe not so – in the ilk of the sufi homilies of Idries Shah, for example in his The Pleasantries of the Incredible Mulla Nasrudin. In particular the stories: Cape Crusade, Turns, and The Womb. I’m not saying they are the same style exactly – both Shah and D. Harlan Wilson are unique, but that if you enjoy one you are likely to relish the other.

Another writer’s work triggered by the style of these stories are the alternate reality ones by Ira Nayman – eg in his Alternate Reality Ain’t What It Used To Be.

The funniest gory story I’ve ever read is in this book – The Arrest. I tease you with a few lines from the beginning:

A man said, “You are under arrest.”

Another man said, “No, you are under arrest.”

“No,” said the first man. “It’s the other way around. You are the one who is under arrest.”

“I’m not under arrest,” said the second man. “You are.”

“I’m going to arrest you now,” said the first man, taking the second man by the elbow.

“No. Now I will arrest you”

… and so it goes on hilariously involving more men, more arrests, fights, fatalities. Several of the stories have this kind of self-referential effect, and I’ve always been drawn to literary recursion.

Lines I wish I’d written include ‘The clouds fell into the horizon’ – in the story, Monk Splitter. ‘Time is the splash of a raindrop on a cornflake.’

For readers of graphic stories, there is one, The Sister, illustrated horrifically by Skye Thorstenson. It’s a dark story summed up by the opening line: ‘And the moment I finished sewing up my little sister…’ It is hellically [sic] recursive.

Some of the stories leave me cold, but there are a total of 39 stories, most of which are semi-precious with a sprinkling of gems.

purchase from Amazon.co.uk

purchase from Amazon.com

D. Harlan Wilson has won awards for his writing winning novelist, and is a literarycritic, and English professor. Visit him at www.dharlanwilson.com.

Ira Nayman does radio

Ira has been developing the pilot for a radio series based on stories from the two Alternate Reality News Service books, Alternate Reality Ain’t What It Used To Be and What Were Once Miracles Are Now Children’s Toys (or, as one online used bookseller has it, What Were Once Miracles Are Now Children – don’t ask). Well, it’s done and it is now available to the public! If you have any interest, you can listen to The Weight of Information, Episode One, Part One at

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0GdLRV-S4mY
 and Episode One, Part Two at
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yIXAi9gnpSk
Remember that although they are on You Tube they are meant as radio so expect alternate radio comedy rather than animation – the action is in your head!

If you enjoy radio comedy that is a bit different then you’ll find the Alternate Reality News Service just for you.

What Were Once Miracles Are Now Children’s Toys

What Were Once Miracles Are Now Children’s Toys

Ira Nayman

Reviewed by Geoff Nelder

 

This is the sequel to the excellent Alternate Reality Ain’t What It Used To Be by the same zany author. Stand by to be entertained by out-of-the-left-field hits on the news as you’ve never heard it before.

 

Paperback: 258 pages

Publisher: Eloquent Books (February 26, 2010)

ISBN-10: 1609112342

ISBN-13: 978-1609112349

Ira Nayman is the proprietor (author) of The Alternate Reality News Service. You’ve heard of alternative comedy; this is the same but applied to news reports. They are short, punchy and generally amusing and thought provoking. If anything this sequel is more subtle than the opening publication. I mentioned in the review of Alternate Reality Ain’t What It Used To Be that fiction story readers might miss a conventional story with a beginning, middle and end with dialogue between characters. Then along comes Miracles, etc., and lo, there is such a story. Of course Nayman being alternate, has the story sandwiched in multi-layers in between the news reports. The story is called The Weight of Information and is a clever multi-dimensional story in its own right told with humour and originality. Within the story is at least one of several keys. By that I mean a reference – words, numbers and concepts – that recur in other parts of the book. I found a couple but it would be wrong to divulge them in a review. What I can say it that it adds to the stimulus this book brings.

One of my favourite pieces in this collection is The Hills Are Alive. Nanobots released into the environment have led to objects becoming conscious. A mountain range argues that if humans engage in strip mining then it will lose a significant part of its identity. The mountain has ‘an unyielding nature and won’t move’. And why not have mountains with such feelings? They are not inanimate once infiltrated by nanobots creating a complex neural-brain-like structure within. We had smart clothes in the last book, tingling our senses, in this we have mountains.

What would you do if your photocopier spontaneously printed Who am I? What am I? Where am I? Is it possessed? The Haunting of 647233 explores the possibilities though it is a story that developed more in my head than in print. A good thing.

As a writer of horror stories I was delighted to find Twenty-first Century Torture at Twentieth Century Prices! A digital rack to stretch your suspects not your budgets. Juicy though I would have appreciated more in this vein.

Alternative Alternatives gives an example of a universe where consequences of actions are randomly passed onto strangers. I like that idea. For instance if you overate, somebody else gained weight! With a clever Kafka story smuggled in, the mix gives a feeling of homilies – philosophical nuances of life as it could be. This book is a kind of alternative Sufi wisdom such as a what-if version of anything written by Idries Shah. Whether you are seeking ideas or to be enriched by extending the normal into the bizarre and not-so-bizarre I can recommend What Were Once Miracles Are Now Children’s Toys.

Amazon.com link to buy is here

Ira Nayman’s books

As mentioned in an earlier blog post, I was sent a couple of Ira Nayman’s books to review. I’ve read one and now I can’t wait to read the other. His Alternate Reality Ain’t What It Used To Be is a humorous collection of bite-sized articles in the form of news items by the Alternate Reality News Service. It is lateral thinking with spiced original ideas – a must for anyone liking to think outside their envelope while pushing boxes – or something like that. My file of ideas for future SF /F stories has been nicely bulked thanks to this book. My full review is up at Compulsive Reader here.

There’s a link to Amazon.com at the end of the review

For Amazon.co.uk go here

Exciting update on Ira Nayman

A few days ago I received two books by the unique humorist, Ira Nayman. As soon as the critque weeks are done at Cafe Doom and I’ve satisfied myself over writing a significant chunk of Left Luggage 3, I’ll read and review his What Once Were Miracles Are Now Children’s Toys and Alternate Reality Ain’t What It Used To Be. I’ve random sampled a few pages and liked the zany humour I saw so far.

Ira sent me an exciting update on his writing career today

I WON! I WON! I WON! I WON! I WON! I WON! I WON! I WON! I am being completely unprofessional. Perhaps if I switched to the third person.

Torontonian Ira Nayman has won first place in the 2010 Swift Satire Competition (http://michaelfarry.blogspot.com/2010/07/swift-satire-competition-results.html). The winning entry is a poem set in images called “Love Amid the Construction.” The poem is about a couple who can only find sexual satisfaction on construction sites. Can their love survive a slow-down in construction brought on by the economic downturn?

“Love Amid the Construction” will shortly be posted to the Swift Satire Web site (http://www.boynewriters.com/swift_satire_2010.html) without its images. It will appear on the author’s Web site, Les pages aux Folles, complete with images in three to four weeks.

This is the third year of the Swift Satire Competition. The number of entries accepted into the competition is a closely guarded secret. What we can tell you is that entries came from Ireland , UK , USA , Costa Rica , Nicaragua and, of course, Canada . Oh, and first prize was 500 Euros.

Ira Nayman’s response to the announcement of his victory was: “I won! I won! I won! I won! I won! I won! I won! I won!” But, you probably knew that. 

ABOUT LES PAGES AUX FOLLES: begun in 2002 (which makes it positively paleolithic in Internet terms), Les Pages aux Folles is a Web site primarily made up of political and social satirical writing. Over the years, it has also accreted cartoons (currently rotating between My Toronto and Delicate Negotiations). Writing and cartoons are updated weekly. Three collections of articles from the Web site have been published in print. No Political Figure Too Big, No Personal Foible Too Small is a general collection of satire. Alternate Reality Ain’t What It Used To Be and What Were Once Miracles Are Now Children’s Toys are collections of comic science fiction journalism featuring the Alternate Reality News Service. The Alternate Reality News Service Café on Facebook contains original writing and allows fans to have input into the fictional universe of the books. The pilot for a radio series based on “The Weight of Information,” a story in What Were Once Miracles Are Now Children’s Toys, is currently in post-production.

FOR MORE INFORMATION (INCLUDING A COPY OF THE WINNING POEM), CONTACT:

Ira Nayman (416) 630-7331 aardvarkseyes@hotmail.com

 CONGRATULATIONS Ira Nayman!

Victim of art

As I plunged the sponge into the soapy bucket to clean my wife’s car I noticed a large area of white and blue on what should have been a red offside bumper area. I naturally assumed I or my wife had scraped a post or another car but we would have noticed it. A gentle rub showed that the white was powder paint and the blue was a water-based paint. There are no deep scratches but a few areas where spots of red paint are missing. Wife is furious, more so when I tell her it is only a metal box conveyance. Admittedly, I would have been annoyed if my bicycle was marked. So we discuss where the car was parked that day. Chester university car park, and students had been taking home their art work, some of which were reinforced by chicken wire. Our car was the victim of a hit and run art project!

It will cost £300 for respraying, money that could go on a weekend away.

I was disappointed by a rejection today. M-Brane sent me a form rejection email after a three-month wait since I’d sent them a 7,500 word short story, The Future and Up One. I am pleased with the story – it starts with the 17th centure witchfinder general chasing victims, who finds themselves in the future. A fun write and I’d hoped a fun and stimulating read. It was well received in the critique groups it travelled through but perhaps though the right sort of length for some magazines it is too long for others. I’ve now sent it to another magazine.

A surprise package arrived in the post – two books by Ira Nayman – Alternate Reality Ain’t What It Used To Be, and What Were Once Miracles Are Now Children’s Toys. Both are written in a zany Monty Pythonesque style and of course I will devour them shortly. I am supposing the publishers, iUniverse, and Eloquent Books, have encountered my reviews here and there, like my style and posted them. Expensive too, to mail from the States. I am concerned though because one of the publishers is part of Strategic  Publishing, one of the publishers on the alert and beware lists for being scams, vanity publishing and the like. I appreciate that in spite of being published through small press and vanity press, some excellent works are on their shelves so I will read open-minded. Certainly the random sampling of Ira’s pages have tweaked my science fiction and fantasy pulse. The website for Ira is here.  Good luck, Ira.

How come I clean my wife’s car but she doesn’t clean my bike?